So excited!!! Shaling has been told about us! She knows she's wanted. That is so huge to me. I kept thinking here is this family doing so much to prepare for her...grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins thinking about her so much and she has no idea. I'm in a celebratory mood just knowing that is no longer true.
There is an intern with In His Hands Orphans (the local adoption outreach group) named Sara. She is working on her graduate degree in social work. She has been to the house a couple of times to participate in our Home Study.
She just got back from an impromptu trip to China and while she was there, got to spend some time with many kids, including Shaling. She said Shaling kept confiscating her digital camera because she wanted to take pictures herself. Sounds like we may have a daughter with a vibrant personality.
Sara says she has updated pictures of Shaling and will be emailing them to me. I can't wait to see them and post them here.
This blog began as a place to share Shaling's journey from rice in China to popcorn in Illinois. However, it has evolved to include all sorts of happenings in the Reynolds family.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Impromptu Small Group Meeting
Thank you so much to our friends Seth & Sarah Engelbrecht, her mother Donna, her sister Diana, and our friends Barry & Nikki O'Dell. They were willing to spend their nearly entire Sunday evening with us so we could have an adoption support group meeting. This counts as part of our four hours of in-person training that we need.
Brock and I came armed with some questions from the internet classes and books that we've already read. It was awesome to get some personal perspectives to go along with the "canned information".
We had a wide variety of adoption experiences present:
* a 19-year-old who was adopted at the age of 6
* the 60ish mother of the 19-year-old (and some biological children)
* parents of an adopted daughter from Vietnam plus a biological son
* parents of two biological children plus a soon-to-be adopted foster daughter
* a woman in her mid 30s who was adopted
We discussed attachment & bonding, especially the challenges presented when adopting an older child. We also discussed multi-culturalism and how to maintain culture and identity. We discussed malnutrition, travel, and transitioning upon return. We also got advice on "blended" families...having both biological and adopted children.
The children had a great time playing while we had our discussions. The hamburgers were delicious, the fruit salad was good (despite my son's rejection), and the ice cream cake was a sweet ending.
Thanks again, everyone (and Seth & Sarah, I hope we didn't leave too much of a mess).
Brock and I came armed with some questions from the internet classes and books that we've already read. It was awesome to get some personal perspectives to go along with the "canned information".
We had a wide variety of adoption experiences present:
* a 19-year-old who was adopted at the age of 6
* the 60ish mother of the 19-year-old (and some biological children)
* parents of an adopted daughter from Vietnam plus a biological son
* parents of two biological children plus a soon-to-be adopted foster daughter
* a woman in her mid 30s who was adopted
We discussed attachment & bonding, especially the challenges presented when adopting an older child. We also discussed multi-culturalism and how to maintain culture and identity. We discussed malnutrition, travel, and transitioning upon return. We also got advice on "blended" families...having both biological and adopted children.
The children had a great time playing while we had our discussions. The hamburgers were delicious, the fruit salad was good (despite my son's rejection), and the ice cream cake was a sweet ending.
Thanks again, everyone (and Seth & Sarah, I hope we didn't leave too much of a mess).
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Friday, April 30, 2010
Training & Wrapping Up the Home Study
Brock & I need 4 hours of training to wrap up our Home Study so that we can move forward with the U.S. Citizenship & Immigration paperwork, and then the dossier for China.
We're meeting with some couples from a local adoption support group, SCIAPA (South Central Illinois Adoptive Parents Association) this Sunday so we can discuss their adoption experiences and glean some advice.
We are also going to the monthly In His Hands Orphans Adoption Outreach meeting Monday evening.
If we combine those with an internet webinar, we should reach our 4 hours and be able to conclude the Home Study early next week!
That is huge for us. A copy of the home study has to be included with our I-800A (the form we send in to USCIS). There are also roughly 10 or 12 other documents that have to be sent in with it, as well as $830. We have all of the other stuff ready to go, so we'll mail it as soon as we receive our copy of the home study.
After several weeks, we should receive an approval form from USCIS. We need to combine that with about 15 other documents to be included in the dossier for China. Most of the documents for the dossier have been notarized, but also need to be certified by the Illinois Secretary of State.
Once we send the dossier off, our time line becomes a little more clear. After a few weeks we should get a Log-In Date (LID) from China (confirmation they received it and are reviewing it). Then, anywhere from 2 to 4 months later, they will send us a letter seeking confirmation that we want Shaling. That will set off the process of arranging our travel.
We're meeting with some couples from a local adoption support group, SCIAPA (South Central Illinois Adoptive Parents Association) this Sunday so we can discuss their adoption experiences and glean some advice.
We are also going to the monthly In His Hands Orphans Adoption Outreach meeting Monday evening.
If we combine those with an internet webinar, we should reach our 4 hours and be able to conclude the Home Study early next week!
That is huge for us. A copy of the home study has to be included with our I-800A (the form we send in to USCIS). There are also roughly 10 or 12 other documents that have to be sent in with it, as well as $830. We have all of the other stuff ready to go, so we'll mail it as soon as we receive our copy of the home study.
After several weeks, we should receive an approval form from USCIS. We need to combine that with about 15 other documents to be included in the dossier for China. Most of the documents for the dossier have been notarized, but also need to be certified by the Illinois Secretary of State.
Once we send the dossier off, our time line becomes a little more clear. After a few weeks we should get a Log-In Date (LID) from China (confirmation they received it and are reviewing it). Then, anywhere from 2 to 4 months later, they will send us a letter seeking confirmation that we want Shaling. That will set off the process of arranging our travel.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Voice of Experience
I recently joined an online group of people who have gone through adopting children from China or are currently somewhere in the process of doing so. I'm finding that getting that informal, personal side of things is very helpful. One woman in particular posted some information I wanted to share with my family and friends. I received her permission to do so. She brought home a 12-year-old daughter from China over the winter.
Remember, the information she is providing is based on her individual experience. It may or may not pertain to our experience with Shaling. It just seemed like information that is beneficial to have tucked away to be used if needed.
She says that the positives about adopting an older child from China are:
. Our daughter feels like we saved her life every day. She obviously has a memory of how bad it was (not only that it was bad being in an orphanage, more how sad she was not to have a family.
. She has had a long time to treasure what the concept of family is in her mind, and she treasures that she now has a committed one. This weekend my daughter told me a sad story. She went to a school near the orphanage. She would longingly watch the daddy's drop off their children for classes. She saw them hug their children and describe how they're looking forward to picking them up that night. One day, when she was 10, the teacher assigned an essay describing the student's fathers. She worked it out so that she did not have to go to school the day they were due. She was there the following day to hear the papers read. She has dreamed and dreamed about how wonderful a father must be.
. She has a strong sense of living and loving together with her siblings (Chinese culture is big about the older siblings helping the younger ones). She fits in right away when our family is with other families, helping and enjoying the younger children (because she helped with them in the orphanage)
. She is a big helper and shares chores with her siblings.
. China wants to do an excellent and professional job (although "professional" for them might be different from our "professional"). This may mean that the information you receive may not be accurate; but at least you received some information. (Let me add that our daughter's information was not a gross misrepresentation. Some of her information even the authorities did not know).
. Because of our adoptions, our other children's worldview is greatly expanded. This was not our intention; but they have such a big heart now that it is a given for them that they will adopt one day.
. Our daughter now has a wonderful future.
. Our daughter is very smart and very quick to learn and understand things. She has learned English in 4 months.
She says the negatives are:
. Navigating around the misconceptions their "teachers/ nannies/social workers" told them in China, such as: "Americans adopt because they are paid by the government to do so", "Americans are so unleashed with their emotions your parents will each have one or more additional lovers", "If you are bad, or if your parents find out you are not the age on your birth certificate they will send you back the orphanage (they are told that the parents have a 6 month return policy, if they don't like you)",
. Navigating around the misconceptions our adopted child developed on her own (regarding the second bullet point above)
. Chinese teaching style is external or strong authoritarianism vs. internal motivation. What this means is it is very difficult for them to make a decision on their own. They have never been allowed to do it. They are taught by rote memorization instead of drawing conclusions. This is difficult when they are older and in school they are required to analyze literature, write essays, etc. They want to know where the model is so that they can copy it. (I homeschool)
. Our daughter never bonded with a family. She had a very bad experience the first part of her life: she somehow was raised as a servant in a farming family. She lived on the kitchen floor, was fed one meal 4 times a week, and was beaten and terrorized. She finally ran away (this is the part of the story the orphanage does not know, because she lived in terror that she would be returned to that family). Then she had a few foster family attempts. We are the first family fully devoted to her. When you read about ANY older child adoption, if they never bonded with a parent, then they need to grow and develop through the natural bonding stages of an infant. So, although her intellectual age is somewhere the age of a teenager, her emotional age, at times, can be that of a baby or a toddler. It is great if you can read about this so that you are prepared. IT is not scary. IT makes total sense. I have read that in this process with an older child, it may take 3 years to get them up to their biological/emotional/ psychological age. I don't think our daughter will take that long; but it's nice to have an idea. IT also helps for siblings to have some appropriate information about this.
Remember, the information she is providing is based on her individual experience. It may or may not pertain to our experience with Shaling. It just seemed like information that is beneficial to have tucked away to be used if needed.
She says that the positives about adopting an older child from China are:
. Our daughter feels like we saved her life every day. She obviously has a memory of how bad it was (not only that it was bad being in an orphanage, more how sad she was not to have a family.
. She has had a long time to treasure what the concept of family is in her mind, and she treasures that she now has a committed one. This weekend my daughter told me a sad story. She went to a school near the orphanage. She would longingly watch the daddy's drop off their children for classes. She saw them hug their children and describe how they're looking forward to picking them up that night. One day, when she was 10, the teacher assigned an essay describing the student's fathers. She worked it out so that she did not have to go to school the day they were due. She was there the following day to hear the papers read. She has dreamed and dreamed about how wonderful a father must be.
. She has a strong sense of living and loving together with her siblings (Chinese culture is big about the older siblings helping the younger ones). She fits in right away when our family is with other families, helping and enjoying the younger children (because she helped with them in the orphanage)
. She is a big helper and shares chores with her siblings.
. China wants to do an excellent and professional job (although "professional" for them might be different from our "professional"). This may mean that the information you receive may not be accurate; but at least you received some information. (Let me add that our daughter's information was not a gross misrepresentation. Some of her information even the authorities did not know).
. Because of our adoptions, our other children's worldview is greatly expanded. This was not our intention; but they have such a big heart now that it is a given for them that they will adopt one day.
. Our daughter now has a wonderful future.
. Our daughter is very smart and very quick to learn and understand things. She has learned English in 4 months.
She says the negatives are:
. Navigating around the misconceptions their "teachers/ nannies/social workers" told them in China, such as: "Americans adopt because they are paid by the government to do so", "Americans are so unleashed with their emotions your parents will each have one or more additional lovers", "If you are bad, or if your parents find out you are not the age on your birth certificate they will send you back the orphanage (they are told that the parents have a 6 month return policy, if they don't like you)",
. Navigating around the misconceptions our adopted child developed on her own (regarding the second bullet point above)
. Chinese teaching style is external or strong authoritarianism vs. internal motivation. What this means is it is very difficult for them to make a decision on their own. They have never been allowed to do it. They are taught by rote memorization instead of drawing conclusions. This is difficult when they are older and in school they are required to analyze literature, write essays, etc. They want to know where the model is so that they can copy it. (I homeschool)
. Our daughter never bonded with a family. She had a very bad experience the first part of her life: she somehow was raised as a servant in a farming family. She lived on the kitchen floor, was fed one meal 4 times a week, and was beaten and terrorized. She finally ran away (this is the part of the story the orphanage does not know, because she lived in terror that she would be returned to that family). Then she had a few foster family attempts. We are the first family fully devoted to her. When you read about ANY older child adoption, if they never bonded with a parent, then they need to grow and develop through the natural bonding stages of an infant. So, although her intellectual age is somewhere the age of a teenager, her emotional age, at times, can be that of a baby or a toddler. It is great if you can read about this so that you are prepared. IT is not scary. IT makes total sense. I have read that in this process with an older child, it may take 3 years to get them up to their biological/emotional/ psychological age. I don't think our daughter will take that long; but it's nice to have an idea. IT also helps for siblings to have some appropriate information about this.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Trivia: Categories 1 & 2
I thought some might find it fun to read some of our trivia categories from our fundraiser. Posting all ten at once would be overkill, but I thought I'd post a couple a day. The odd-numbered categories were loosely tied into our adoption theme, while the even-numbered categories were entirely independent.
Famous Adoptees
1. In addition to appearing in over 800 commercials for his fast food restaurant chain, this famous adoptee started a foundation for adoption in 1992.
2. While married to Jane Wyman, Ronald Reagan adopted a son. What was this son’s first name?
3. Name the biblical character adopted into the Egyptian royal family after his mother hid him in a basket.
4. Name the Christian music artist who is a strong advocate for orphans. He adopted three girls from China, including one who died in a tragic accident in May 2008.
5. Though not technically adopted, Gerald Ford did have his name legally changed to match his stepfather’s name. What was his birth name?
6. What former U.S. presidential candidate has 7 children, the youngest of which, Bridget, was a 3-month-old orphan when her future mother brought her home from a Bangladeshi orphanage run by Mother Teresa?
7. What is the first name of Joan Crawford’s adopted daughter who wrote the book, Mommie Dearest?
8. Madonna filed papers to adopt David Banda after traveling to what land-locked African country to raise funds for an orphanage?
9. In addition to their three biological children, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have three adopted children. Maddox is from Cambodia; Zahara is from Ethiopia. What country did Pax call home at birth?
10. What modern country music star, adopted as an infant, was born Audrey Perry and raised in Star, Mississippi?
Go Figure
1. Who was the first female gymnast to score a perfect “10” in the Olympics?
2. On March 2, 1962, Wilt Chamberlain of the Philadelphia Warriors scored 100 points in a game against what team?
3. In Abbott & Costello’s “Who’s on First?” routine, eight baseball fielding positions are mentioned. When keeping a scorecard, what number is used to represent the position not mentioned?
4. In 1987, Bill Cosby wrote, produced, and starred in a movie that spoofed spy movies. It was so bad that Cosby himself recommended people not waste their money to see it. What was it titled?
5. “76 trombones led the big parade”. How many cornets were right behind?
6. When the midget, Eddie Gaedel, took an at-bat for the St. Louis Browns, he wore the bat boy’s uniform. The bat boy, Bill Dewitt Jr., is currently the majority owner of the St. Louis Cardinals. What number was on the uniform when Gaedel took his at-bat?
7. In the song, “Twelve Days of Christmas”, six different types of birds are gifted. By the end of the 12th day, how many TOTAL birds has the singer received?
8. In the movie “The Blues Brothers”, Elwood used the address for Wrigley Field as his address. What is the street address for Wrigley Field?
9. Assuming the champion doesn’t come from the “play-in” game, how many games in a row does a college basketball team need to win in order to be champions of the annual NCAA March Madness?
10. Only once has there been both a horse racing and a baseball Triple Crown winner in the same year. The baseball player was Joe “Ducky” Medwick and the horse was War Admiral. What year did this happen?
Answers Below:
Famous Adoptees
1. Dave Thomas
2. Michael
3. Moses
4. Steven Curtis Chapman
5. Leslie Lynch King, Jr.
6. John McCain
7. Christina
8. Malawi
9. Vietnam
10. Faith Hill
Go Figure
1. Nadia Comaneche
2. New York Knicks
3. 9
4. Leonard, Part 6
5. 110
6. 1/8
7. 184 (12 partridges, 22 turtle doves, 30 French hens, 36 calling birds,
42 geese-a-laying, 42-swans-a-swimming)
8. 1060 West Addison
9. 6
10. 1937
Famous Adoptees
1. In addition to appearing in over 800 commercials for his fast food restaurant chain, this famous adoptee started a foundation for adoption in 1992.
2. While married to Jane Wyman, Ronald Reagan adopted a son. What was this son’s first name?
3. Name the biblical character adopted into the Egyptian royal family after his mother hid him in a basket.
4. Name the Christian music artist who is a strong advocate for orphans. He adopted three girls from China, including one who died in a tragic accident in May 2008.
5. Though not technically adopted, Gerald Ford did have his name legally changed to match his stepfather’s name. What was his birth name?
6. What former U.S. presidential candidate has 7 children, the youngest of which, Bridget, was a 3-month-old orphan when her future mother brought her home from a Bangladeshi orphanage run by Mother Teresa?
7. What is the first name of Joan Crawford’s adopted daughter who wrote the book, Mommie Dearest?
8. Madonna filed papers to adopt David Banda after traveling to what land-locked African country to raise funds for an orphanage?
9. In addition to their three biological children, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have three adopted children. Maddox is from Cambodia; Zahara is from Ethiopia. What country did Pax call home at birth?
10. What modern country music star, adopted as an infant, was born Audrey Perry and raised in Star, Mississippi?
Go Figure
1. Who was the first female gymnast to score a perfect “10” in the Olympics?
2. On March 2, 1962, Wilt Chamberlain of the Philadelphia Warriors scored 100 points in a game against what team?
3. In Abbott & Costello’s “Who’s on First?” routine, eight baseball fielding positions are mentioned. When keeping a scorecard, what number is used to represent the position not mentioned?
4. In 1987, Bill Cosby wrote, produced, and starred in a movie that spoofed spy movies. It was so bad that Cosby himself recommended people not waste their money to see it. What was it titled?
5. “76 trombones led the big parade”. How many cornets were right behind?
6. When the midget, Eddie Gaedel, took an at-bat for the St. Louis Browns, he wore the bat boy’s uniform. The bat boy, Bill Dewitt Jr., is currently the majority owner of the St. Louis Cardinals. What number was on the uniform when Gaedel took his at-bat?
7. In the song, “Twelve Days of Christmas”, six different types of birds are gifted. By the end of the 12th day, how many TOTAL birds has the singer received?
8. In the movie “The Blues Brothers”, Elwood used the address for Wrigley Field as his address. What is the street address for Wrigley Field?
9. Assuming the champion doesn’t come from the “play-in” game, how many games in a row does a college basketball team need to win in order to be champions of the annual NCAA March Madness?
10. Only once has there been both a horse racing and a baseball Triple Crown winner in the same year. The baseball player was Joe “Ducky” Medwick and the horse was War Admiral. What year did this happen?
Answers Below:
Famous Adoptees
1. Dave Thomas
2. Michael
3. Moses
4. Steven Curtis Chapman
5. Leslie Lynch King, Jr.
6. John McCain
7. Christina
8. Malawi
9. Vietnam
10. Faith Hill
Go Figure
1. Nadia Comaneche
2. New York Knicks
3. 9
4. Leonard, Part 6
5. 110
6. 1/8
7. 184 (12 partridges, 22 turtle doves, 30 French hens, 36 calling birds,
42 geese-a-laying, 42-swans-a-swimming)
8. 1060 West Addison
9. 6
10. 1937
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Well, this weekend, I finally organized all of the clothes sent up by my cousin Traci for Shaling...plus some clothes sent home with me by my friend & coworker, Katie...plus some clothes purchased for Shaling by my mom, Sue. My mom-in-law, Nancy, helped me with the organizing. I also purchased some new socks and underwear to complete things.
First, here are the clothes I plan to take along when we go to China. We'll have her for nearly the entire two weeks we're there.
Below are some photos of what awaits Shaling:
Finally, here is Preston and Grandma (Brock's mom)showing off material from which Grandma plans to make a sundress for Shaling next year:
First, here are the clothes I plan to take along when we go to China. We'll have her for nearly the entire two weeks we're there.
Below are some photos of what awaits Shaling:
Finally, here is Preston and Grandma (Brock's mom)showing off material from which Grandma plans to make a sundress for Shaling next year:
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