I Want To Go Home

Today was the big day -- surgery day. Grandma met us at the clinic. Shaling was able to bring her Hello Kitty from Build-A-Bear. After a minimal wait, she was called back to get ready. Grandma & I helped her change into her hospital shirt & pants (plus special socks). Shaling correctly pointed out which ear needed to be repaired, even referring to it as her "right ear". I answered the usual health history questions (mostly with a lot of I don't knows, which always seems sad -- not to know your own child's health history). I also had to write her initials next to her right ear.

The nurse put a special mask on Hello Kitty so that Hello Kitty could accompany Shaling to the operating room. She also gave Shaling special goggles and her anesthetic mask (with no tubes yet inserted). The mask was cherry-scented, but Shaling was not impressed. Shaling also insisted that she was NOT going to go to sleep. She wasn't swayed by my stories of a special medicine that would make her sleep. Nor was she swayed by the anesthesiologist telling her that he had "magic" that would make her sleep. She firmly replied that she, herself, had magic and would not sleep. Her stubbornness was a bit hysterical.

Here she is with Grandma & Hello Kitty, modeling her special goggles and the dreaded mask, which she would later find to be her enemy.


When it was time for Mom, Dad, & Grandma to head back out to the waiting room, Shaling showed no fear whatsoever. She energetically followed the nurse down the hallway to the operating room, smiling broadly the entire time, as if she was headed for an afternoon at the park. We were so inspired by her attitude.

They told us later that she climbed right up onto the operating table of her own accord. She was brave right up until she realized the anesthesia was working and she was getting drowsy. She became distraught at that point and removed the mask, refusing to put it back on. At that point, they had to hold her down to finish administering the anesthetic. She was THAT determined not to go to sleep. She battled valiantly, but lost.

The procedure itself took a couple of hours, plus we had to wait for her to wake up before we could see her. I use the term "wake up" quite loosely here. After she fluttered her eyelids a bit, a nurse greeted her and asked her if she was ok. She replied, "ow". At that point, they came to get us. This is what we walked in on:


Keep in mind that this is the little girl that just 4 hours earlier had insisted she wouldn't go to sleep.

Ok.

I confess.

I teared up.

Her bravery was such a beautiful thing to see, but seeing the life literally sucked out of her was quite difficult. I sat and caressed her back for awhile. I gently asked her if she was hot, if she was ok, if she was thirsty, etc., in between long periods of silence. I received no responses. She repositioned herself a few times, but it was obvious she was incoherent. She was similar to a drunk. After about 15 minutes, she looked me directly in the eye and weakly said, "I want to go home. Can I go home?"

I had a twofold reaction. Firstly, as any parent would react, my heart ached that she was in so much pain and confusion that all she wanted to do was go home, where she felt safe and comfortable. Secondly, my heart filled with love and joy that all she wanted to do was go home, where she felt safe and comfortable. We literally just got her home 8 months ago yesterday. To know that in such a short time, home has become such an important haven for her overwhelms me with emotion.

The nurses told us that her vitals were good, so despite the fact that she was still so oozy, since she wanted to go home, they would go ahead and discharge her to us if we were comfortable taking her. Roughly ten minutes later, we helped Shaling stand up and Brock lifted her up to carry her. She promptly vomited all over the floor and herself, somehow sparing Hello Kitty & Daddy. The nurses quickly went into action cleaning it up and getting her in a wheelchair.

After a brief stop at CVS to pick up an antibiotic, a pain reliever, steroid ear drops, an antibiotic ointment, and bandages, we got her home without further incident. She has spent the last roughly 6 hours on the couch, watching television. The one exception was when she got up to use the bathroom. While sitting on the toilet, she vomited again. Her balance is all thrown off from the surgery, and I think that is what is causing the nausea. She's had perhaps a 1/2 cup of soup and some Sprite. She really wants her big brother to stay with her on the couch. She even sacrificed watching tv, so he could play the wii. In the almost nine months I've known her, this is the least energetic I've ever seen her.

Perhaps because I knew her surgery was being squeezed in with patients getting ear tubes, I was naive to how restricted she was going to be following her surgery. I knew she wasn't going to be able to swim for two months, but here's what I didn't know:

No running for two weeks.
No jumping for two weeks (therefore, no trampoline).
No bike riding for two weeks.
No heavy lifting for two weeks.
No P.E. for two weeks.
No blowing her nose for two weeks.
No trumpet lessons for two weeks.
No sneezing for two weeks.
Ok, if she can't stifle the sneeze, she's supposed to keep her mouth OPEN during the sneeze.

That is quite a list. I thought I was merely being precautionary by planning to keep her home from school tomorrow, but now I realize there is no way she was going anyway.

All in all, it went well and the doctor was pleased. He is optimistic that her hearing loss will be reversed as the ear heals. Because I don't believe there can be too much prayer, any prayers thrown her way for a smooth recovery are much appreciated.

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I have to slip in some good news for Preston here. He re-auditioned for the SVYS (Sangamon Valley Youth Symphony) last week. Last year was his first experience with it. There are 3 groups:

Prep Orchestra (a mostly beginner group - primarily grade schoolers)
Concert Orchestra (a mostly intermediate group - primarily junior high)
Symphony Orchestra (a more advanced group - primarily high schoolers)

Last year (his first year), he made the Concert Orchestra. He struggled a bit, especially the first two months, but persevered. We were so proud of him at the semester concerts, standing up there playing the tympani, which were almost as tall as him. Well, this year, he made the Symphony Orchestra. As a 6th grader, he'll be up on stage with mostly high schoolers. I'm both thrilled for him to have the opportunity and nervous for him, as I know the music will be a bit of a challenge. He is super proud of himself!

Memorial Day Weekend at Grant's Farm

Yes, that's correct -- Memorial Day, not Labor Day. Preston & Shaling, along with Grandma Coonrod, her friend Shelly, Aunt Ann & Uncle Frank, cousin Maggie, & cousins Mike & Laura & their kids, Elizabeth, Rebecca, & Stephen, went to Grant's Farm. Mom was in Colorado & Dad was in Mississippi. I'm just now getting some pictures of the event, so I'm sharing them here. Thank you, Laura Grichnik, for the pictures & permission to post them.

Party in the USA - Preston & Shaling style

During our trip home from Monticello, Indiana today, Preston & Shaling serenaded Mom & Dad with Miley Cyrus' "Party in the U.S.A." Brock videoed our budding stars with my Blackberry while I drove. Make sure to turn your speakers up!

Party in the USA, by Preston & Shaling from Amy Reynolds on Vimeo.

Surgery & Silliness

Shaling saw Dr. Huang today. He says her ear looks good (clean), so we will proceed with the eardrum repair surgery next Thursday. She will be put under & he will scrape away some tissue from under her skin behind her ear. Then, he will insert the tissue into the hole in her eardrum. He should be able to do all of this through her ear canal, so as not to have to cut a deep incision behind her ear.

Today is the first time I think she understood me well when I explained what was going to happen. She reacted with fear -- even covering her ears to show she didn't even want to hear about it. When she did listen, I explained she would be asleep when it happened. She indicated that she wouldn't be able to sleep, so I explained that the doctor would give her medicine to sleep. She thought that was funny & giggled for several minutes.

When we got home, Preston was quite depressed -- he'd had a rough day. He forgot his lunch; he found out he missed his percussion sectional yesterday; he realized he misunderstood the instructions on two science assignments. He was telling me about it while I sorted laundry. Suddenly, Shaling grabbed one of my bras & slung it over her shoulders and behind her back. She began proudly prancing around saying, "look at my new backpack!" She even showed it off to the cat. Preston began belly-laughing & all of the sudden his bad day was behind him. It was so rewarding to see him cheer up so quickly.

From Yucky to Icky

Last Friday night, Shaling & I drove down to St. Louis to meet Grandma & Aunt Ann at a Cardinal game. We absolutely sang our dear hearts out to quite a variety of songs, "Kung Fu Fighting" by Cee Lo Green, "Party in the U.S.A." by Miley Cyrus, "Dive" by Steven Curtis Chapman, and several more. She broke my heart when she reached up to skip Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun", telling me, "I no like this one."

When we took a break from the music, she tattled on her dad. The preface to this is that she picked out her outfit for the Friday game on WEDNESDAY...all of the way down to her socks. She even inquired about Cardinal underwear. Apparently, Dad (who, remember, is a Chicago Cubs fan) couldn't keep his mouth shut about her attire.

Shaling tells it like this:

"Mom, in the morning, Dad not nice."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah. I come downstairs & say 'good morning, Dad'; Dad say, 'good morning, Shaling; you are going to see the yucky Cardinals."

"You're right. That is not nice."

"Yeah. We should start telling Dad, 'you go see the yucky Cubs.'"

"Or, we could show Dad how to be nice."

"Yeah!!! Boys yucky. Girls NOT yucky."

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On Sunday, we attended a family reunion in Carlinville. On our way into town, we passed the distinct odor of skunk. It was a bit faint, as if it had been there a few days, but most of us still knew exactly what it was. Not Shaling, however, who gave a couple of extra sniffs and said, "smells good".

Dad replied, "No, Shaling, it doesn't smell good. That's a skunk. It smells icky."

Preston, who craves every opportunity he can get to teach Shaling something new, jumped all over this. Quite matter-of-factly, he said, "Yeah, Shaling. A skunk is an animal that farts when it gets scared so that people won't come close."

Here are some pictures from that Cardinal game Friday night:

Shaling poses between Grandma & Aunt Ann.


Shaling & Grandma


Though she barely understands what she's doing, Shaling keeps score based on what we tell her to do.


Shaling makes it up on the large scoreboard, thanks to a new fan-friendly option -- you can send a picture to Twitter and have it posted on the scoreboard.

A Puzzling Picture

Life is an unanswered question, but let's still believe in the dignity and importance of the question. ~Tennessee Williams

I follow the blogs of several other adoptive parents. Usually I enjoy hearing their personal stories & seeing pictures of their children growing & adapting to their new lives. On Monday, I was touched by a different sort of picture…one worth a 1000 words questions.

Adoptive mom Kelly (blog: The Raudenbush Family: wondering) found an announcement on a Chinese website that included this picture:



Yes, that is a real, live baby girl (with her eyes blocked out). She is in a cardboard box, surrounded by formula, a bottle, a bag with some possessions, and what looks like a beautiful blanket or pillow or outfit underneath her.

I was going to go to the Chinese website to read the announcement directly (via Google translate), but the announcement seems to have been removed. Per Kelly, there was supposedly a large sum of money left with this beautiful, precious little girl. Her finding supposedly occurred during rush hour. However, I agree with Kelly that every hour in China is “rush hour”.

Considering the tiny bit of information we have about this baby girl, I theorize that she was abandoned based on her gender and the one child rule. Considering how well she was cared for and how much was left with her, I imagine her birth mom did not want to give her up, but that she was pressured to do by her husband, her culture, her in-laws, or a combination thereof.

Per a book (Silent Tears) I read by Kay Bratt, there is an ancient Chinese belief that a child born on the day another family member dies is bad luck…and caused that death. I don’t think most of modern China adheres to that anymore, but just like in the United States, there are a handful of families that have remained in the “dark ages”.

When I look at the picture of this absolutely health baby girl, all sorts of questions come to mind.

Did she already have a name?

Did the birth mom wait around nearby to make sure her precious bundle would be rescued?

Or, did she scurry off quickly as to make sure to go undetected?

Does she think of her darling daughter daily? Hourly? Every minute?

I admit, I've become infatuated with the picture. I’ll always wonder what Shaling looked like when she was found. According to her finding announcement, she was in an apple box. We were told that an apple box is an almost paper thin box used for carrying -- you guessed it -- apples. It was also apparent that she had been in the hospital – probably for some time – and probably just released that day. She was approximately 5 or 6 weeks old.

Because of the nature of Shaling’s abandonment, I’ll always choose to believe she was given up primarily for economic reasons. I believe her parents thought she was going to be “expensive” due to her medical issue and that they didn’t think they would be able to afford to raise her.

Whilst I’m aghast at the thought of giving up a child in such a manner, I’m also in awe of the strength of a parent that loves a child so much that they will go to such extremes to ensure a better life for their child.

I’ll always wonder…

Did her parents drop her off at that bus station together?

Or, was the task left up to her mother alone?

For that matter, was her mother a single mother without the resources to raise Shaling on her own?

What name did she have picked out for her daughter?

Did she envision her as a girly-girl? A scholar? An athlete? An artist?

How often does she think of Shaling?

Did she watch to see who picked Shaling up?

Did she see Shaling’s finding announcement in the paper?

If so, did it break her heart to ignore it?

Is she still alive?

If she worries about her daughter’s fate, I wish there was a way for me to ease her mind; let her know just how much Shaling is healthy, smart, athletic, funny, hard-working, affectionate, & loved.

Yeah, I’ve gotten a bit infatuated with that picture. And though it prompts so many questions to which I'll never have answers, the most important thing about it is that it reminds me that I’ll always have an emotional connection to a woman I’ll never have the opportunity to meet.

A connection that has changed the appearance and mechanics of my family.

Forever.

And ever.

Thank you, God.

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For those who haven't seen them, this is the closest I'll have to baby pictures of Shaling (these are pictures OF pictures that were in her orphanage file):

Too Two

A week or so ago, the kids were watching television. A toy commercial came on and Preston told me he wanted one. I told him to put it on his Christmas list. Shaling said, "I want too." Her English is coming along fantastically, but her grammar isn't always perfect; she'd left out the word "it".

Preston gently teased her, "You want two? I just want one."

I told him that he knew what she meant. She said, "Yeah, Preston! TOO - tee oh oh."

I was quite proud that she knew there was more than one spelling and she knew which one was correct. The reading/spelling takes even longer to learn than the spoken language.

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I also have to brag -- apparently Sunday was "Mom Day" in Shaling's world. She wanted to sit by me in church; she was clingy & affectionate with me, etc. Well, we went to eat at Olive Garden ($7.95 never-ending pasta bowl). At the end of the meal, they brought us those delicious minty chocolates. She took a couple of the wrappers and folded them into a little package, asking me to open it. I was hesitant, thinking she was trying to trick me into thinking a chocolate was still in there. However, when I got to the very inside wrapper, I found this: