Memorial Day Weekend

With Mom & Dad each taking an adult trip (two different directions) this weekend, Preston & Shaling spent the weekend at Grandma & Grandpa's house in Carlinville. Their weekend began when I met my mother in a parking lot near where she had been doing some shopping here in Springfield last Thursday night. As soon as Shaling saw my mom's car, she began shrieking, "Grandma's CAR! Grandma, Grandma, Grandma...I like Grandma." As I mentioned on Facebook last Friday, if I for even one second had concerns about how Shaling would do with extended family, I wasted that second.

On Saturday, Preston spent some time with Aunt Joanna & Grandpa while Shaling accompanied my mom and aunt to an annual strawberry festival -- craft booths, kettle corn, tours of an old mansion & old schoolhouse, down-home cooking, and of course, strawberry shortcake (and much more). Shaling talked my mother into buying me a St. Louis Cardinals necklace, as well as necklaces for her (her initial 'S') and Preston (Chicago Cubs). She also enjoyed a pony ride:



Mom also purchased a used bike. She already had ONE, but both kids wanted to ride bikes at the same time at Grandma's house.



I asked her if the kids were being spoiled and was told no.

On Sunday, my mom & her friend Shelley, my two kids, my cousin's daughter niece Maggie, my aunt & uncle, their son & daughter-in-law, and their 3 kids, all went to Grant's Farm in St. Louis. There is much to see there, but I think Shaling was especially impressed with the Clydesdale horses.

My parents had been working for awhile at getting their pool open for the summer season -- getting the right chemical balance, water-sealing their deck, etc. Monday morning, it was nearly ready for swimming. Preston spent the morning helping Grandma put all of the furniture (umbrella table & 4 chairs, some lounge chairs & small tables, some trunks for holding towels & pool toys) back on the deck, plus getting out all of the cushions. He also did the pool vacuuming for her.

Then, both kids got in a lot of swim time, though apparently Shaling thought the water was C-O-L-D. By the time I picked them up Monday afternoon, I think they both grew about six inches. I was quite ready to see them, and I was pleasantly surprised to find that both kids were ready to go home, even Shaling, my little Grandma-magnet.

This artist, Kory Brunson, performed this song live at Coors Field before the Cardinals-Rockies game today (I'm in Denver for the weekend on my annual girls-only baseball trip). They did a marvelous military tribute. Though I'd never heard this song before, it reduced me to tears, especially combined with the sight of numerous uniformed military men & women on the field. Way to go Denver! You definitely showed your appreciation.

America vs. China

Once in awhile, someone asks Shaling if she likes America better or China better. During the first few weeks home, she didn't understand the question. I would feel a bit defensive on her behalf, and explain that I suspected she probably she still liked China better, though she was adapting far better than our expectations. I would tell them to imagine her experience as being similar to a kidnapping, as we brought her half-way around the world; taking her away from everything she knew: food, smells, landscape, etiquette, language, people that looked like her, rules, etc.

I think sometimes it's easy to romanticize and think that we were "saving" her by taking her away from the orphanage and giving her a home and family. The word orphanage I think provokes a connotation of a dreary place, in the sense of Miss Hannigan and Little Orphan Annie. In Shaling's case, the orphanage was a clean and lively place, filled with her friends. She was exceptionally close to a couple of the caregivers, referring to them as her "Chinese Mom" and "Chinese Dad" or even her "really big sisters" or "really big brothers". I don't think she was unhappy at all.

That being said, as an orphan in China, her life options (education, jobs, marriage, etc.) would have been severely limited. In the end, coming to America and having a family and unlimited educational opportunies is definitely a good thing. I'm just not sure how realistic it is to expect a 9-year-old to comprehend that idea when she's leaving so many loved ones and "normalcy" (for her) behind.

When her English became good enough that she understood the "America vs China" question she replied, "China". I think often the question-asker was a bit startled and looked to me to see if I was hurt at all by the response. The truth is,
NOT

AT

ALL

She lived in China for 9+ years. She's lived in America for 4.5 months. She is happy; she has bonded with us; she is a blessing; she makes our family feel complete. I also know that she truly likes America even if she still feels that her heart is in her homeland.

Well, this week, for some reason, Brock asked her if she liked America or China better. For the first time, she said America. She also followed that up with telling us that Guanghui (one of her "big brothers" from the orphanage that recently arrived in Rochester) likes America too. The truth is, I expected it to take longer than this for her answer to change (and was prepared for the idea that it might never change). I also suspect that the next time she gets in trouble at home, China will suddenly be the preferred country of residence again. All of that being said, it is a cool feeling to know that America has obtained a large portion of her heart.

I do have one unrelated picture to share. On Tuesday, she saw Brock mowing the lawn and enthusiastically demanded asked to learn how to do it. I took a picture, because I thought it looked a bit funny. Since a mower CAN be dangerous and she's still so young, after he taught her what to do, he didn't just let her go. He stayed walking close behind. However, it appeared more like he was breaking child labor laws.

Unexpected Story

One day last week, I was driving home from softball practice a friend's house church I can't remember where with Shaling in the back seat. As a I turned a corner, I saw a rabbit hopping across the road. Thinking Shaling would like to see a cute little fluffy bunny, I said, "Look, Shaling, a rabbit." We then had a mostly one-sided conversation that went like this:

"Yeah! Rabbit!"

"Mom, rabbit fast."

"Yes, the rabbit is fast."

"Really, really fast."

"Yes."

"Turtle slow."

At this point, I smiled as I realized that she must know the popular children's story. We missed out on the time of her childhood when we would have held her on our laps and read to her the most often. I know there will be times in her life that she'll hear someone reference a well-known fairy tale, but she won't be familiar with it. It is one of the numerous things I knew we were sacrificing when we decided to adopt an older child. I don't regret it for a minute nanosecond.

"Yes, turtle slow."

"Turtle win."

"Yes, the turtle wins."

"Rabbit sleeping."

I giggled and said, "Yes, the rabbit was sleeping. Very good, Shaling."

Now, if you've ever learned a foreign language, think about how well you'd mastered that language 4 1/2 months into your learning. Would you have been able to so effectively convey a story in that language that you'd read in English?

I know her grammar wasn't ideal, but she knew the words rabbit, turtle, win, sleeping, fast, slow...quite a variety...and didn't have to use any reference books. AND, to be honest, from reviewing her tests, she probably would be able to spell several of them correctly.

Yes, I'm bragging, but mostly I'm just pointing out that often Shaling (like countless other children adopted at an older age) does something that may seem simple on the surface, but upon review is actually quite impressive.

Silly American Mom

Last night, my dad and a friend (Mike) drove up from Carlinville to help us tear out some old carpet and pop off baseboard as we prepare for new carpet in our bedrooms and a new kitchen floor. So, we took them out to eat at Golden Corral buffet. As usual, Shaling downed several bowls of soup, but also ate a plate of other items, including some ham, which she kept telling us was "really, really good". She also ventured out of her comfort zone and bravely requested to sample a bit of my sirloin.

Eventually, she ventured over to the dessert bar. I followed shortly thereafter. As I walked past her, she was juggling a bowl of gummy bears, a bowl of "fruit salad" candy, AND a full ice cream cone. I was impressed with her coordination, and exclaimed, "Oh, boy!"

She kept walking, but after several feet, did a u-turn. She walked up to me and just in case I forgot oh, so helpfully reminded me, "I not boy. I girl."

Yeah.

Not being familiar with American slang, idioms, exclamations, etc., when she heard "oh, boy" come out of my mouth, I guess she thought I forgot her gender.

Yep, Mom is just that stupid forgetful silly.

On another note, she got to spend the early part of Sunday afternoon with her Chinese "big brothers", Xiaoxiong & Guanghui Stengel. They took her along to a church-sponsored lunch & fun at The Incredible Pizza Company. Lynne (Mom Stengel) tells me that Shaling ate several bowls of soup (of course!). The kids then had a blast playing all sorts of games.

When they brought her home, she & Guanghui jumped on our trampoline for a bit, rattling away in Chinese. It is so good in so many ways for all 3 of the kids to have each other so close, but I'm also hoping that they will be able to help each other retain their Chinese language.

Banks & Bangs

Yesterday afternoon, Preston came up to me and whispered conspiratorially, "Mom, I gave Shaling $10 because she gets the mail and does other things, so I thought she deserved a week's worth of my allowance." My chest swelled up with pride that he would think to do such a thing. I also felt a tinge of guilt that perhaps we had waited to long to get Shaling's allowance going.

A couple of years ago, we began giving Preston $10 a week in allowance. $5 was automatically deposited in his savings account each Friday and we gave him $5 cash. In return, he had to give $1 to Sunday school each week out of his own money. A year ago or so, he asked us to please start putting ALL of his allowance in the bank so he could save it faster.

For several reasons, we didn't get Shaling set up with an allowance right away. We didn't have a savings account for her, because we needed her Social Security number. We figured there was plenty of English she needed to learn before we explained the words allowance and bank to her. We needed to make sure we could get her to at least partially understand the value of a dollar first.

We got Shaling set up with a savings account as soon as we received her SSN (late February/early March). She received some cash at Valentine's Day and Easter (and at her open house). So she has some starter money in there. What Preston didn't realize was that a couple of weeks ago, we went ahead and started putting $10 in her account every Friday as well. He didn't know it, because we hadn't told her yet.

His generous gesture last night spurred us into going to our old friend, Google Translate, and explaining the concept of a bank and an allowance to Shaling. I then went online to her savings account and showed her the beginning balance and first two $10 deposits. She was very excited!

Also, I took Preston to get a long overdue haircut last night. We always go quite short for the summer. While we were there, Shaling decided that she wanted to wear bangs. Here are the finished products:

Ask & Ye Shall Receive: Here Are the Pictures!