Wednesday, August 24, 2011

A Puzzling Picture

Life is an unanswered question, but let's still believe in the dignity and importance of the question. ~Tennessee Williams

I follow the blogs of several other adoptive parents. Usually I enjoy hearing their personal stories & seeing pictures of their children growing & adapting to their new lives. On Monday, I was touched by a different sort of picture…one worth a 1000 words questions.

Adoptive mom Kelly (blog: The Raudenbush Family: wondering) found an announcement on a Chinese website that included this picture:



Yes, that is a real, live baby girl (with her eyes blocked out). She is in a cardboard box, surrounded by formula, a bottle, a bag with some possessions, and what looks like a beautiful blanket or pillow or outfit underneath her.

I was going to go to the Chinese website to read the announcement directly (via Google translate), but the announcement seems to have been removed. Per Kelly, there was supposedly a large sum of money left with this beautiful, precious little girl. Her finding supposedly occurred during rush hour. However, I agree with Kelly that every hour in China is “rush hour”.

Considering the tiny bit of information we have about this baby girl, I theorize that she was abandoned based on her gender and the one child rule. Considering how well she was cared for and how much was left with her, I imagine her birth mom did not want to give her up, but that she was pressured to do by her husband, her culture, her in-laws, or a combination thereof.

Per a book (Silent Tears) I read by Kay Bratt, there is an ancient Chinese belief that a child born on the day another family member dies is bad luck…and caused that death. I don’t think most of modern China adheres to that anymore, but just like in the United States, there are a handful of families that have remained in the “dark ages”.

When I look at the picture of this absolutely health baby girl, all sorts of questions come to mind.

Did she already have a name?

Did the birth mom wait around nearby to make sure her precious bundle would be rescued?

Or, did she scurry off quickly as to make sure to go undetected?

Does she think of her darling daughter daily? Hourly? Every minute?

I admit, I've become infatuated with the picture. I’ll always wonder what Shaling looked like when she was found. According to her finding announcement, she was in an apple box. We were told that an apple box is an almost paper thin box used for carrying -- you guessed it -- apples. It was also apparent that she had been in the hospital – probably for some time – and probably just released that day. She was approximately 5 or 6 weeks old.

Because of the nature of Shaling’s abandonment, I’ll always choose to believe she was given up primarily for economic reasons. I believe her parents thought she was going to be “expensive” due to her medical issue and that they didn’t think they would be able to afford to raise her.

Whilst I’m aghast at the thought of giving up a child in such a manner, I’m also in awe of the strength of a parent that loves a child so much that they will go to such extremes to ensure a better life for their child.

I’ll always wonder…

Did her parents drop her off at that bus station together?

Or, was the task left up to her mother alone?

For that matter, was her mother a single mother without the resources to raise Shaling on her own?

What name did she have picked out for her daughter?

Did she envision her as a girly-girl? A scholar? An athlete? An artist?

How often does she think of Shaling?

Did she watch to see who picked Shaling up?

Did she see Shaling’s finding announcement in the paper?

If so, did it break her heart to ignore it?

Is she still alive?

If she worries about her daughter’s fate, I wish there was a way for me to ease her mind; let her know just how much Shaling is healthy, smart, athletic, funny, hard-working, affectionate, & loved.

Yeah, I’ve gotten a bit infatuated with that picture. And though it prompts so many questions to which I'll never have answers, the most important thing about it is that it reminds me that I’ll always have an emotional connection to a woman I’ll never have the opportunity to meet.

A connection that has changed the appearance and mechanics of my family.

Forever.

And ever.

Thank you, God.

****************************
For those who haven't seen them, this is the closest I'll have to baby pictures of Shaling (these are pictures OF pictures that were in her orphanage file):


No comments:

Post a Comment