Culture & Identity

The third adoption training course we took was on Culture & Identity. “Visible” adoptions are those that are multiracial as well as multicultural. The parents and children do not look alike, having different colored skin, etc.

During the 1950s through the 1970s large numbers of Korean children were adopted in the United States. At that time, it was believed the best way to handle the visible differences was to ignore them, as that would reinforce the notion that “adoption didn’t matter”.

Most professionals now realize that this tactic was unhealthy. The adopted child’s cultural identity is an important part of their individuality. It is recommended that the family participate in activities that reinforce the child’s heritage.

In our case, we plan to actively participate in organized activities for families who’ve adopted children from Asia. Typically, there is at least one local group that will celebrate Chinese New Year, for example.

We were also advised to try and expose Shaling to other Asian-Americans when possible. Perhaps going out to eat at a Chinese restaurant occasionally, or looking for an Asian-American doctor.

We’ve also been prepared for the idea that Shaling is leaving behind her language, culture, and heritage. This will necessitate somewhat of a grieving period for her, even if she’s thrilled to be joining a family.

Another possible challenge for her later in life is that she will not be able to easily search for her birth parents as a child that was part of a domestic adoption would be able to do. Many adoptees feel the urge to search for biological family when they reach their 20s or 30s. We are quite comfortable with that, as it only seems natural to be curious about an aspect of your life with which you’re unfamiliar. What will be difficult is knowing how to be emotionally supportive for her when the task will be next to impossible to complete.

All in all, we feel we are ready to include another culture in our household. We’ve both read some background on Chinese heritage and look forward to learning more directly from Shaling herself. We think that participating as a family in Chinese cultural activities will be a great experience for all of us.